Ohio Counseling Conversations

Let's Unpack That #7: Metaphorically Speaking

• Ohio Counseling Association

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We share the metaphors that help clients grasp complex ideas fast, from skill trees and storm shelters to gumballs and garden care. We focus on choosing images that fit culture, age, and context so insights translate into action.

• coping as skill trees and gym habits
• grief as a ball in a box with changing hits
• safety and boundaries with weather and field conditions
• attachment styles with gumballs and trades
• relationships as the ultimate group project
• dropping the backpack of bricks and updating toolboxes
• avoidance as a messy room that still needs cleaning
• recovery lessons from broken bones and rest
• self-care as watering plants and choosing the right fence
• picking metaphors that match client interests and backgrounds

If it sparked something for you, share it with a colleague or drop us a line. We’d love to keep the conversation going.

What do you think? Send us your questions or topics you'd like us to unpack!

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Created by the OCA's Media, Public Relations, and Membership (MPRM) Committee & its Podcast Subcommittee

·Hosted by Marisa Cargill & Victoria Frazier

·Pre-Production & Coordination by Marisa Cargill and Victoria Frazier

·Editing by Marisa Cargill

·Original music selections by Elijah Satoru Wood

SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to Let's Unpack That, a short form segment from Ohio Counseling Conversations, where we dig into the topics, tools, and truths that shape our work as counselors. Whether it's a trending issue, a clinical insight, or something we've all been thinking about, we're here to process it together.

SPEAKER_01:

Welcome back to Let's Unpack That. I'm Victoria Frasier.

SPEAKER_00:

And I'm Marissa Cargill.

SPEAKER_01:

And today we're talking about metaphors that we use to help clients get it in a way that sometimes a straightforward explanation can't. Marissa, do you use metaphors with your clients?

SPEAKER_00:

All the time. All the time. I have a note in my notes app in case I use a good one and I don't want to forget it. Sometimes I still forget to write them down, so that's bad. I'm working on it. But yes, love a metaphor. Like think that they're so helpful and powerful and help people connect to something, you know, maybe that they're struggling to connect with.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm such a metaphor girly. I feel like I use metaphors constantly. And that might just be like how my brain works. Like I've been such a big reader since I was a kid. And so that's kind of like just where my brain goes automatically. Yeah. Um, we put out a post on our social media asking people to tell us some of their um most used metaphors. And so I it I feel like we should go through them and just kind of.

SPEAKER_00:

And I think like this whole episode, right? Like, you know, beyond the social media metaphors, like it's like, hey, these can all be ones we put in our toolbox if you're not using them, and can maybe get some people to share, share more once the episode's out. Like, what else?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Yeah, this would be a fun one to do a a follow-up to. So if anyone has any good metaphors, check the show notes because we'll have links to all of our socials on there. The first one that I thought was so good was talking about talking, like using our skills we learn in counseling and having to do them several times to kind of build up muscle memory, like we're at the gym, or someone said that they compare it to leveling up in a video game. And like, I think that is so smart because that's something, especially working with younger people, or just like a lot of my grown-ups are gamers, and I think I get a lot of frustration from them when a coping skill doesn't completely fix the problem or make it go away. And so I think it's I think that's such a smart way to talk about it. Um leveling up. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Especially because as like like I don't know, I don't I don't know if you're like a bigger video game girl, but no, not really, but but I mean I like still understand the gaming world to to I think a decent degree.

SPEAKER_01:

Fair. Um I'm more of a gamer than I was when I was a kid now. Um and I think a lot about how some games use like skill trees where like you'll get a baby version of it at the beginning, and then as you go through the game, like the skill has a bigger impact, or it takes less effort of like your health bar, maybe to use the skill. And I think that's such an interesting way to frame like using deep breathing because yeah, taking one deep breath is very different from consistently practicing deep breathing over like a month-long period.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah, like and the impact is significantly different as well, right? Even though both can be good.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I really like that one. Like, if people aren't gamers, like talking about going to the gym. Like, I I also say sometimes I'll say therapy is like flossing for your brain, like it sucks and nobody wants to do it, and sometimes it doesn't feel impactful in that moment unless there's like a popcorn kernel that hurts in your tooth, then yeah, like emergency sessions, but it's like the consistency is what what changes things, and I think that's really frustrating, both from like our side of the room and also for clients, but yeah, like a c like its compounding effects are so important.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I like that one.

SPEAKER_01:

I learned a new one from the Instagram comments that I hadn't heard before, so maybe you could explain a little bit about it. But someone mentioned the ball in the box analogy for grief.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, yeah, yeah. And I think like there's a few different takes on this because I've also seen it like in a jar, but I think like that when we think about grief, like that there's maybe a box, and the box like it never changes. That's kind of just like our life, like, right, and the parameters of it, and there's a pain button, and like when we're first maybe or initially in grief or we're around an anniversary or something like the ball might be really big, and so it's gonna bump up against that pain, like button in the box pretty regularly and consistently, but that over time sometimes that ball shrinks and like the capacity, like the box size hasn't changed, and so we're not maybe hitting that pain as much. And so I think what it helps maybe like people consider is that like you know, like it can change size. I've also just seen like that, like sometimes we change, like it's kind of opposite. Sometimes that like we can grow, even if our grief is the same size that if the box enlarges, then we're not hitting the pain button as much. So um, I've seen it used like a couple different ways, but like I think that like the idea is that at the end of the day, like there are things that will change that will like help it so that that that pain is not encountered in the same ways over time.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I really loved this one. I kind of put it in my pocket for for future clients who are going through grief. I think one of the things that is challenging again is like learning to think about grief as like something we make space for in ourselves as opposed to like something to be worked through or finished. And I love the idea, like your grief ball can be really tiny, but there's sometimes our box might tilt. So I think that is something yeah, that I was really grateful for for that comment.

SPEAKER_00:

I think it's really helpful. Admittedly, I commented on the social media to talk about and profess my love for weather related metaphors, and probably the most common one that I use is really in in terms of like protecting ourselves from different weather, in that like we have control uh sometimes of getting ourselves out of the storm, but not others, you know, unless they're like our dependents, in which case, like that's a separate conversation. But that like, you know, we can be in a relationship with someone who's maybe not willing to change. And the only thing I can do is get inside to safety if there's a tornado coming, right? And so that like sometimes it means I have to do what's right to keep me safe, and I can encourage someone to come in from the storm, but I can't like I I can't drag them with me and remain safe. Like I have to get in. It's like that urgent in some ways, and that like even like extensions of that is like we can, you know, share umbrellas, we can lend ponchos, but like we can't make someone not be a storm chaser, or that I use a lot of this, and that I remember that I had a client once tell me like they weren't a quitter and they were talking about this really like a a relationship. And I said, like, well, okay, but like, you know, if we're to then I kind of brought in sports metaphors with the weather because I was like, well, wait a minute, like sometimes it's not about quitting, it's that games are delayed because the condition of the field is not appropriate to play in. Like there's a weather delay, there people will get injured if they're out there playing in these conditions. And so it's not about quitting with sometimes doing that. And so, like, weather just gets me like thinking about all sorts of things, and I think it's just so, you know, I know like Act uses a lot of that, and you you recently presented and sailing and and storms were were part of that, but I just think it's so helpful because it's relatable and a lot of people like can have a pretty solid understanding of different conditions, and so that I feel like I really like am good at like coming up with some of those, but also I feel like it's it's generally fairly easy for my clients to digest, so I just get really excited about a weather metap metaphor.

SPEAKER_01:

No, I love that. I when Twisters, the sequel to the seminal classic Twister came out, we talked a lot about weather in my office because a lot of my children were very into twisters for some reason. And one of the things that they we talked about was like you can love, like, like some of my clients are like risky kind of kids, like they they're like they love to like skateboard, or like I have a teen who like used to drive really fast and like they couldn't comprehend that like that was bad. Yeah. And so we talked about like you can love tornadoes and be really excited about them, and they can still hurt you. Um so that was that was that I'm not as much of a weather girl, but I have talked a great deal about tornadoes a couple summers ago because of twisters. Yeah. I have a metaphor that I've used since I was in grad school, and it can be a little convoluted, but it's for attachment style because I think that's something that can be hard to explain to clients. And so I I always tell them there's like a gumball machine, and every day we get a little token and we put our gumballs in, and blue and pink gumballs come out, and blue pink gumballs are like happy feelings and positive energy, and blue gumballs are kind of like hard things or challenges, and how we manage our gumballs can speak to how we attach to people. So, like ideally, we both look at our gumballs and we say, Oh, you have a lot of blue and I have a lot of pink, let's trade, and that's more secure attachment. Where if if we're anxious, we might be really insistent on not telling anyone we have any blues, and we're giving all of our pinks away, and so using that to kind of help people conceptualize, like, oh, how do I spend my energy, how do I spend my time can be really helpful for them, and for my kids, we'll do it with I keep a bag of pom-poms in my office, and we'll actually like play a game so that they can have more of like an experiential experience with that, and so I talk about my gumball machine quite a bit.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, that's really helpful. One of the ones that I use a lot is because I think people can relate to it in like an an academic way where like they've been a student at some point in their life. Again, I work with adults, so I guess like that's helpful to remind the listener. Like kindergartners might not be doing group projects in the same ways that adults are, but like I also, you know, especially when I think of it as like a lot of people, you know, in professional work settings, like have a team. And it they may vary on how much independent work they have or what what have you, but that in general, like we're thinking about life as like the ultimate group project, and that like it's okay to want a dependable team and not feel like you're the person in the group who had to do all the work to get an A. And that like, how do we make that happen? That might mean there's some other things, and I think especially for people who maybe are in like different professional work team settings, when they take some of these and apply them to their personal life, I think that they're able to like access sometimes things that they like wouldn't, where I'm like, you don't have to write out a formal agenda, but if you were gonna sit down and talk to a team member or a supervisee, like how would you approach this situation? And you would have some ideas, like you wouldn't just go in there and like like scream at them, there would be consequences for that, like maybe for you at work. So you're gonna go in with like a an idea of what you would like to accomplish, right? And so, like, I can keep spinning from that one too, but that like I also like to bring it back to like that it's okay to want people on your team that like are supportive and dependable, and that like it's not unrealistic to want people to show up and participate, and that if they're not, like how that's harmful to you, because maybe that means you're overworking or overextending or feeling like you're not gonna get an A. And like that, you know, there's a lot of relatability within that, and so maybe some multiple metaphors, but I think it's helpful because people understand it, and then they don't maybe shame or guilt themselves into like about how they're feeling about it, I guess.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah. No, that there was one that someone mentioned on our Facebook that that kind of reminded me of, and it was like we have a backpack of bricks, which is like all the stuff we carry around, and you know, it's heavy and it makes things harder for us to do if we're wearing a backpack of bricks, yeah. And the it who who put the bricks there? Do we need those bricks? Why do we still have the bricks? Yeah, do we have to keep the bricks forever? Like, yeah. What are you hoping to build a house with the bricks or are they just a fun accessory? Or are they have they outlived their purpose? Maybe we had bricks as a weapon at one point and now it's time to put them down. Not my weapon of choice, not that I think I have one. I don't really have occasion for a weapon, but I like to hear that. Thank you. Yes, I'm safe. One of something else that is a little different from that is I talk about like when we're using maybe like a maladaptive coping skill or we're we're falling into a pattern, is like that's not a tool that we need in our toolbox anymore. Like at one point it was very helpful and we we used it every day, but now maybe we don't have furniture that has that kind of screw in it anymore. You can tell I'm very handy, but like we need to update our toolbox and keep the things we actually need in our toolbox.

SPEAKER_00:

I can't believe no one you no one commented the toolbox. That's like the the like the foundational metaphor, isn't it? Yeah, I feel like I feel like it's so innate we don't even consider it. Yeah, I didn't mean it didn't occur to me it is a metaphor, yeah. Yeah, toolbox literal and proverbial toolbox.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. I'll do with my littles, we'll draw a toolbox together and I'll have them put little representations of things they find helpful.

SPEAKER_00:

So, yeah, toolbox, who'd have thought. I think like some of these metaphors, it's like, yeah, they might be really useful. They may not be useful in every situation. And so, like, I I I know it's all nuanced and context-based, but I think it's important to maybe like give that as just a disclaimer that we we know some of this may not work for everyone, but it it's really helpful for others. I can't tell you why it occurred to me, but it's one of the ones I had written in my little note tab of that, like I use like the idea of a messy room. And I think a lot of people can relate to maybe not everyone and good for them. But that like maybe they have a room in their house that becomes like a a catch-all room, or like it doesn't even have to be in a house, like an apartment, an office, you know, like that there's a room that just sort of becomes like the catch-all for like we don't know what to do with this, so it's gonna go here for now. And in doing that, like maybe it gets messy and it gets really crammed, and it's something that, like, oh shoot, but oh no, we're having company. So like we just have we can shut that door and and people don't have to see the mess, right? And I think that a lot of us do that in in ways with our lives that we might like shut the door and ignore the mess. But at some point, like you or someone else is gonna have to clean that room. And I don't mean to get morbid with that, but that means like, okay, that room could stay messy until you're long gone, but like someone in your family will then be cleaning up that mess. And so that it's helpful to like maybe work with people who who are building like motivation to confront something, um, a mess in their life. Yeah, I my brain just sweat like visuals of hoarders, like not that everyone's room is that messy, but I'm I'm aging myself with an elder millennial, but like I' ob obviously like Friends was kind of a pretty quintessential show in my in my world. And so, like, if you are a Friends fan, cool. If not, I'm sure that you could easily find this on YouTube or something. But there is an episode, Monica is a character who like presents herself very much as type A. But what is discovered in an episode is that she has a closet in their apartment that is literally from like floor to ceiling full of junk. And so it's like a small, like I'm keeping the mess away, everything else is neat and orderly, but I have mess. It's just in this one area and like hid away. And it's like very messy, like right, and so it's it's very shocking because it's like her alter ego, kind of from how she's presented herself, like on the show. And so I think like many of us have those. Sometimes they're larger than closet size, though, and that because of that, it's very important that maybe we do some of the work to clean it up. That doesn't mean it's easy, that doesn't mean we always want to, but it means like we want to because at some point, if we don't, like that that could also affect other people that we care about, and that that might be something people can attach to. So that's been one that's been useful for me as well.

SPEAKER_01:

This this is a bit of self-disclosure with the podcast and also with clients, but I broke my ankle at the beginning of the year, and I use that as a metaphor all the time. Like my ankle before I broke it, not to brag, was very weak and would twist all the time. And obviously, healing from surgery is challenging and uncomfortable, but my ankle now is very blinged out, and it has lots of screws and plates to keep it very strong. And so I'll talk about that, or like I worry about that still, and it's still like second nature to me to like walk carefully when it's icy out, but also that like my ankle is now much stronger than it used to be, and it was uncomfortable, and it took time to get there, but because it was properly taken care of by. I a lovely medical professional that now I would say my ankle's like better than it used to be. And so also that I think I also use that example when like people, a lot of my clients will get like a burst of energy and they'll be like, oh, I have to use it all right now. And I'll talk about like if we overuse that or like we try to walk on our broken ankle too soon, it's just gonna h hurt us more. And so like to to talk about rest and recovery and resiliency, I think like broken bones, and and a lot of people have broken bones before in their life, so they can also, you know, draw on that. And I think actually, I'm not a doctor, but broken bones heal stronger after they break, even if they don't get upgrades and they get to be full of metal for the rest of their life. So that's something that is more well more of a recent metaphor for me.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, no, that reminds me of my like quitter one too. Like, you know, not a quitter, like, but maybe if the field is too dangerous for player, maybe we need to wait until the environment has improved before continuing the game. Um, love that. Love that. Are there others?

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, I think now I'm like racking my brain. I feel like I have a million and they've all left my little head. I think I use a lot of like nature kind of metaphors. Like I'll talk about like self-care, like we have to water our plants, or like for boundaries. Like, I'll talk about what kind of fence do you want to build? Like, do you just need like a white picket fence with a gate, or do you need like the great wall of China? Like what kind of a brick wall. A brick wall. Maybe that's why you have your bricks. That's why we have the bricks all full circle. So I'm I am an inside girl historically. I don't go out there a lot, but I do find myself using a lot of like like nature metaphors.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah. I I saw one recently, I've seen it on the internet, but I've even had like other people bring it up to me. That when you talk about like nature and plants and stuff like that, and especially like flowers, that if when you like a flower, you might pick it and put it in a vase, but that when you love it, you tend to the garden and ensure it's able to come back next season.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, I love that. That's it.

SPEAKER_00:

And so I thought that that was like a really powerful one. There's so many, and I know that this list could go on and on. I think it's like important that we like I don't know, like just have the this space to share. Like, I know that let's unpack that as more like short form and like meant for like us having community. And gosh, like I think that you know, we all benefit from hearing these different takes. And so you if you're a metaphor person, like you know, come join us and tell us about your metaphors or comment on the socials and let us know so that you know we can share with each other. I hope that like these are helpful. I think it's important, you know, we're intentional with them, right?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I think I think we have to remember that we all come from different cultures and backgrounds, and just maybe we're in different parts of our life. And so trying to remember that like for your like I have a client who will get her her nails done a lot, and I wouldn't use the metaphor of like that upkeep with my dad who works on cars all day, like he does not care about his nails. But I also wouldn't talk about like needing to have an oil change with a 12-year-old because they don't have a car. You shouldn't have a car. And I love I love that you have like a little I don't know, I don't want to call it a cheat sheet because that implies that it's not fair, but like you have a little grab bag of all your favorites. I feel like I I should start doing that and keeping a little list.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, sometimes it's like, oh, like it comes to you kind of in the moment. And I like sometimes I wow myself, and I'm that's not a brag. That's like, oh, hey, that was actually pretty good. And I like it wasn't like I was sitting there thinking about it, just like came to me in the session, and so I'm like, hey, I don't want to forget that. So are there plenty that have gone undocumented? Yep. And so like I think that that's what inspired me at one point to be like, what was that thing that I said? And so I've been trying to improve on that just so that it is something like, hey, not only can I use that and help that relate to other people, like because like you're to your point, some of these are gonna work really well for some clients and they're gonna like latch on to it, and then others might need a different one where like it it comes into something else, and so I think obviously, you know, it's considering not just like their cultural or developmental context, but just like their interests and stuff, right? Like I'm not a huge athlete, I think I was like an athlete in like middle school and I am competitive, but I think like thinking about some of those might be a little more difficult for me because I'm not like actively engaging in competitive sports or anything like that. But if I have a client who either is an athlete or has formerly been an athlete and like still enjoys that as a lot of their entertainment, then like the sports analogies are gonna be really helpful. So it's it's thinking about those kinds of maybe layers or elements that help us maybe figure out what what would be relatable or comfortable for them, help them like latch on and get it. Because I think that that's what it right, these are to give perspective and maybe help people shift into something that is more useful.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, totally. I think I do that a lot with media, like when my clients and I like the same book or TV show, and we can find similarities, which is probably a whole other episode. The amount of times I've talked about this summer I turned pretty with my teens who are like navigating dating for the first time. Yeah. But I think we'd love to hear any listener favorite metaphors, please. I know we said this earlier, but please, you know, reach out, find our socials in the show notes. And we'd love to do, I think, another episode about this one day in the future because I feel like there's so many more.

SPEAKER_00:

More metaphors. Literally speaking, but metaphorically speaking. Metaphorically speaking, title of that has to be. A plus, yes, yes. Check, check. Metaphorically speaking, we hope to hear more.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, I think that will do it for us for this episode of Let's Unpack That. We hope that you found something useful or entertaining, and we'll see you soon.

SPEAKER_00:

Thanks for joining us for Let's Unpack That, brought to you by Ohio Counseling Conversations and the Ohio Counsel Association. If it sparked something for you, share it with a colleague or drop us a line. We'd love to keep the conversation going. Thanks for listening, and until next time, we encourage you to keep unpacking the big stuff one conversation at a time.