Let's Unpack That #14: Counselor Quirks

Getting on an elevator shouldn’t feel like a group therapy exercise and yet, at a counseling conference, it somehow does. We’re pulling back the curtain on the weird, funny, and honestly inevitable ways the counseling profession rewires your brain. If you’ve ever found yourself in a politeness standoff at a hotel elevator, you already know the vibe. 

We talk through the counselor habits that follow us home: automatically nodding and using encouragers while watching a long TikTok, turning a simple checkout interaction into a surprisingly deep conversation, and hearing tone shifts and emotional language that other people miss. We also get into the subtle language changes that can “give you away” like calling adults “grown-ups,” catching yourself asking a classic therapy question, or being extra careful with “why” because you know it can make someone feel defensive. 

Then we zoom out to the tools and values underneath it all. We share the regulation supports we keep within reach (think bubbles, fidgets, blankets, and other grounding props), how we react when friends slide into negative self talk or body talk, and the accidental “we” that can slip into everyday conversation because collaboration is baked into how we relate. We end with a real reminder: most of these quirks are features, not bugs, as long as we stay intentional about context, boundaries, and impact versus intent. 

Listen, then tell us what counselor quirk you’ve picked up. Subscribe to Ohio Counseling Conversations, leave a five-star review, and share this with a friend who will instantly recognize themselves.

Created by the OCA's Media, Public Relations, and Membership (MPRM) Committee & its Podcast Subcommittee

·Hosted by Victoria Frazier & Marisa Cargill

·Pre-Production & Coordination by Marisa Cargill and Victoria Frazier

·Editing by Marisa Cargill

·Original music selections by Elijah Satoru Wood

Transcript

Why Counselors Get Quirky

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Welcome to Let's Unpack That, a short form segment from Ohio Counseling Conversations, where we dig into the topics, tools, and truths that shape our work as counselors. Whether it's a trending issue, a clinical insight, or something we've all been thinking about, we're here to process it together.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

Welcome back to Let's Unpack That. I'm Victoria Brazier, and I'm Marissa Cargill. And today we wanted to do something a little different. We talk a lot about how we impact our clients, the work we do, the changes we want to facilitate for them, and the relationship we build in the room.

SPEAKER_02 0:40

Yeah. And today we sort of want to take it in the other direction. This job changes us just as much as we've tried to help others change.

SPEAKER_00 0:48

I think when we were formulating this episode, I thought about habits that I've developed since becoming a counselor, instincts I have now that I didn't have before. And when I shared it with a couple of my friends, they noticed changes as well. So like their internal and external adjustments. So today we're talking about counselor quirks. Weird, funny, and honestly inevitable ways that doing this work rewires our brains.

SPEAKER_02 1:16

Yeah. And if you're listening and think, oh, yep, I do that too. We want you to drop it in the comments. We want to hear maybe some of the quirks that you've picked up on since entering the profession as

The Elevator Politeness Standoff

SPEAKER_02 1:26

well.

SPEAKER_00 1:27

Yeah. I think that the reason that this episode was born in my brain was I was at a conference recently, and I've thought this at every conference I've ever gone to for counselors. Getting on the elevator is harder than it should be because everyone is standing there and we're all trying to be so polite and we're like, oh no, you go ahead. No, you like and we all just have like a standoff getting on the elevator of who who will get on first. Have you ever noticed that?

SPEAKER_02 1:58

Yeah, I think it's like the elevator, the like the holding the door, like, no, you go ahead. No, you go ahead. Like that it becomes one of those situations where we're trying to be kind, but also can be like unproductive sometimes. In our most recent conference, you and I both attended that the ACA in Columbus, like where we were staying, there were some issues with the elevators at the hotel. And so I think it was also became like a community project, too, of getting even more specific of well, do you have somewhere to do you need to like you take the elevator if you have to be back there in 15 minutes? I don't need to be back there as quickly. So, like you like it got even more in the weeds with some of that.

SPEAKER_00 2:45

No, that's true. Or like when there were children there, we were like, the children need to go. Right. I think that I don't know. I it's such I think it speaks a lot to our profession and just kind of how we roll that everyone is so conscientious. But I also think that in those moments, it's hard to like work together to decide who gets on the elevator. People like we just need to remember, okay, I have places to be too, and like to get on the elevator. And I think it was also funny at the recent that the AC conference, because all the other times I've noticed this, it was like counseling conference was the only thing really going on in the space. And yeah conference, there were so many other events happening in the same space. So there was a dance competition and a cheer competition, and there was something else. And so it was also interesting seeing like how we approached it as like how the other people were engaging with the elevator. It was a little more like fraught than I expect it would have been with a different group of people. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Yeah. The elevator.

SPEAKER_02 3:51

Who knew? Who knew? The elevators. But yeah, I think it happens in situations like that. But I can think of it like where sometimes I'm just always wanting to hold the door for someone. And maybe then someone's wanting to hold the next door for you, especially when you're like with counseling friends. It's hey, we all can be polite. Like it's it's good, but sometimes just funny to watch like the the showdown.

SPEAKER_00 4:13

Oh yeah. I yeah, and I mean I think it is really kind of harmless, but yes, quirky, I guess. Yeah. Um, what are some other quirks?

Active Listening Outside The Office

SPEAKER_00 4:24

So something that my friends have all noticed, and I don't even realize I'm doing it because it's so intrinsic at this point, is when I'm watching like a movie or something, and really specifically it happens like when there's a really long TikTok of someone explaining a situation. I start nodding and like doing encouragers and saying, or like tilting my head, or like my posture like opens up, and I just start active listening to whatever I'm engaging with, and it's to the point where like people are like, Oh, you're you're really invested in that video. And I was like, Oh, I think that I was, but it looks like I'm so like tuned in the thing. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:09

I find myself sometimes doing that with the checkout and stuff too. Where obviously we want to be polite. I'm not suggesting I should be like not actively listening to another human, but that even in some of the discourse, I feel like it goes into a deeper conversation than maybe other people might engage in at the checkout.

SPEAKER_00 5:30

Oh, yeah. I do the same thing. I went glasses shopping yesterday, and by the end of the time I was at the store, I knew all of the workers' backstories and what they were having a hard time with that day, and someone had like a medical procedure they were worried about, and oh wow, it was just like I was just there to buy glasses, and I just it's something about it, I just can't turn it off. And it wasn't like no, it was like trauma dumping on me. It wasn't a bad thing, but I was just I don't know, I'm a little too good at getting details out of people, I think. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:07

I'm like nodding as I actively listening, which is important. Yeah, I think it's one of those things where sometimes maybe that even shows up, like you said, encouragers, and it can show up in the language that we use. And I certainly I think it's not necessarily a quirk, but a thing that many counselors and therapists and other people in behavioral health providing might hear that when you share with someone what your job is, that they go into oh, don't analyze me or whatever, which I will say my my joke back is like I don't work off the clock, but sometimes you have to explain ethically too, but someone you loosely know, I actually probably couldn't. So don't worry, we're good. But that I think it is still hard sometimes to take the hat off where the language that we use becomes tell me more, instead of, oh yeah, what else? Oh and I might say, Oh yeah, what else of the client who we have a well-established relationship with. But yeah, I guess it's just funny, and that stuff that my family or friends might call me out on if I ask a question that's a stereotypical. Can't that make you feel? They're like, don't therapise me. And I was like, Oh, it didn't even occur to me that that question was like a therapy question. So my

Hearing Tone Others Miss

SPEAKER_02 7:25

bad. It just came out.

SPEAKER_00 7:26

Yeah. I think something else I've noticed is like I do, I am maybe like a better listener now than I was before. And when I'm watching something with a friend, I'm really tuned into like the language people are using and like the tone that they're using. Like if we're watching TV or something, and we can walk away with two completely different understandings of what happened or like what the conversation was. And I don't think either of us is really wrong, but I think I'm using a lot more information than just what the person is saying. And so I think that can create interesting things too, where it's and then it's kind of hard to explain. Like they tilted their head and they the tone changed this way, and like it's hard to convey to someone why.

SPEAKER_02 8:08

And it's not to give is holier than that, we're better. But this part of our job, so we pri we are primed for it. I I am not exactly sure when this episode is gonna be published, but recently The Crash is a documentary that came out on Netflix. I'm not sure if you're familiar with it, but it's about a car accident and court case that happened in Northeast Ohio a few years back. And so I'm not gonna get into the discourse entirely, but what I'll say is I've noticed now that I've watched the documentary, my algorithm is full of discourse about it. And that some of the things that people have latched onto or paid attention to, I was like, no one has mentioned this part where the main character was talking about her and her boyfriend healing one another. And I don't know, that just stuck out to me, but I was like, it's an emotional language word. And not that it didn't come up. I'm sure I'm not the only person. I'm sure there are people who are not counselors that it occurred to, but of the public discourse going on. No one brought that up and I thought, oh, it's partly probably because I'm primed to hear certain words and be like, let me pay attention to that. Yeah, totally.

SPEAKER_00 9:23

I I've been getting a lot of clips of I think the show is called Couples Therapy or something, and like that's probably a whole other conversation, but just like watching that, and I'm I obviously am watching the people who are there for their services, but even more so I'm like I'm looking at what the therapist is doing. I don't know what her like licensure is, but I'm always like, oh, it's interesting she like what she picked up on versus what I picked up on. Anyways,

Words We Stop Using Carelessly

SPEAKER_00 9:54

yeah. Some speaking of language, this didn't make it onto our outline, but I thought about it this morning while I was getting ready, and it was like I get called out a lot by other counselors, and they look at me and they go, You work with kids, don't you? And it's because I call adults grown-ups. Like I'll say, Oh, I was working with one of my grown-ups. And so I think this and like my language changed, right? I don't know that I would have called adults grown-ups before I I started working with kids so much. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:26

I'm trying to think if there's certain language that I use where people would identify me off the bat. I work with adults, so that's different, right? Yeah. But yeah, I think that there's lots of different ways, even just to like how I know in teaching like counseling techniques, I am a lot more sensitive to I I still ask why questions. When I have a relationship with a client, I ask why questions. But I'm actually pretty sensitive to asking why questions sometimes in my personal life. I'm not saying I never do it there either, but I think I'm just more attuned to when I have asked it because I know depending on what the why question is about, it could make someone feel defensive. And so I think sometimes I'm a human too. I'm not here to say I'm a perfect example when I'm off the clock. I'm not. Um, but I think I'm just at least more aware of when I'm asking those questions and how I maybe approach certain conversations in my day-to-day, like with those specific words that maybe put people on the defense.

SPEAKER_00 11:33

Yeah. No, that's a good point. I think I'm a lot more mindful of the questions I'm asking too. Yeah. Just knowing that like we're at the grocery store, like, it's not the time to ask this deep question that that is coming up for me. And so like knowing

Bubbles Fidgets And Blankets

SPEAKER_00 11:50

when to flip that on and off. Yeah. I think something else I was thinking about is language is obviously a tool, but also like I keep a lot of regulatory tools on me for myself or like my friends when I'm out. Specifically, I have like little baby bottles of bubbles everywhere. Like they're on my coffee table. There's some on my bedside table in my bedroom. I keep them in my purse, they're all over my office. Are there any like tools that you keep on you now?

SPEAKER_02 12:20

I have fidgets with me pretty regularly. More so I think like when I am sitting at my desk, because I think the stillness of it, where if I can move, sometimes it's not as necessary. But for helping me stay present, like having something in my hand to fidget with is generally pretty helpful. I also I mentioned to you before we started recording, I was like, I was so hot. Again, not sure when this is being published, but this is like the first couple of days where we've hit like mid 80s, almost 90 in in northeast Ohio. And so it's it's warm, but I also still need a blanket on my lap, like as a grounding, like comforting thing. And if it wasn't this, it'd probably at least be a pillow. And so I feel all the rooms in my house are very much like aligned with that. And then when yeah, that might not be as possible if you're like going out to dinner with someone. But if I'm at my mom's house, like I'm grabbing a blanket off the back of her couch, like as I sit there and visit and same like at my best friends. I'm generally like doing something and it's not always about temperature, but just like the grounding or comforting, like sensory input it provides.

SPEAKER_00 13:28

I think my new skill is that I can make anything into a pretty quiet fidget. I have this pen with fuzzy hair that's supposed to clean your screen. And I've been sitting here twirling it and and touching it. If I have when I go to the movies, I'll always have chapstick in my purse and I will sit there and I will just twist the two parts of the chapstick. And I think that before I wasn't as, I don't know, I was still pretty fidgety, but I wasn't as creative with them. If I forgot something, I would be I have pretty rigid thinking about it, and now I'm able to problem solve a little bit more.

SPEAKER_02 14:01

I'm really glad that you mentioned that because it triggered something for me that I'm willing to share, and you can think I'm like a goofball, or I don't know. You may have other thoughts. I'm open to judgment. But several years ago, I had to get a mouth guard made for clenching my jaw in the evening, and they took a mold of just like my lower, like the teeth, and they gave me my mold when they gave me my mouth guard. It is actually in my dust drawer. I'm going to show it on screen. I'm not trying to gross anyone out, but it's funny. Here are my teeth. But the thing I love most about it is that it's this side of it is very smooth. And so before I even had fidgets at my desk, I had my little tooth mold and it's so smooth. And depending on the temperature, if it's cold, it's colder and smooth. It's not super cold today, but it's just okay. And then I guess if you want, you can. My teeth aren't as smooth, but if you want to feel the texture of that, it's just different sensory input there. And I would use that. I also tried to give it to my nephew as a gag gift once, and he gave it back. So no. We give each other gag gifts for the holidays. So it wasn't just a surprise. We just try to be silly and out. We try to shock each other, and that was shocking to him, shocking enough that he returned it. If you love something, let it go. And if it was meant to be, it'll come back to you. I don't know. It came back to me. Yes. But yeah, I think that's a great point. We maybe have these we self-accommodate sometimes more than and are able to teach that to other people.

SPEAKER_00 15:46

Yeah, definitely.

Calling Out Negative Self Talk

SPEAKER_00 15:47

Yeah, yeah, totally. I think one of the quirks that is maybe a little more frustrating to other people is I'm really sensitive when my friends go to a negative self-talk kind of place. And eventually now I've trained them a little bit on accident where I used to say, Oh, don't talk about my friend like that. Say something nice about my friend, please. Yes. And now they'll like they'll pay the toll where they'll be they'll say something negative about themselves, and then they'll just they'll be like, and also I'm a good friend. And so it's like they've built in a little, we've added a pathway, and also there's something okay going on here.

SPEAKER_02 16:27

Yeah. Yeah. I think it makes me hyper aware, again, human, but it makes me aware of how I talk about myself sometimes too. And when we're engaging in it, I think body talk becomes really common amongst friends, and that becomes something I again not perfect at, but try to be aware of and especially try to be aware of if there are other people around and how that models it or how that could impact someone. Just because we don't always know what's going on there. But not that I don't struggle with my own thoughts, but I do try to be like intentional, you know, when I'm speaking about it. Like that there are my body is like the least important part of me or the least interesting thing. I guess it's important. Our bodies are important, but it's the least interesting thing about

The Accidental We In Conversation

SPEAKER_02 17:12

me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:13

Yeah. I love that. I think the last thing that I was thinking about that I've acquired after a few years of working with clients is I say we when I mean I or you constantly. And it sometimes it trips people up and they're like, what do you mean we? Like I'm it's just I'm talking about me, and I'm like, oh. And then it's so I get into the nitty-gritty of, oh, it's a collaborative thing and it's a clinical tool so that we can have a strong alliance and redirect some feelings of shame or anxiety. And it's most of the time I'm just sorry, it's a org thing. You. But there are a couple of friends who I was like, I do it because I love you and because I care about you and I feel connected to you.

SPEAKER_02 18:06

Yeah. I'm gonna have to start paying closer attention to that one because I'm sure that I do it, but I'm definitely less aware like when I'm doing it or who I'm doing it with. So yeah, I'm gonna have to start paying attention to that one. But I know, like, I can think of like examples earlier today where I'm sure I did that with a client, but I am maybe less aware of where I'm doing it outside of sessions. You've given me a lot of things. You'll have to report back.

SPEAKER_00 18:33

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think one of the things that kind of I was thinking about this episode, and obviously it's unpacked that is a little more like edutainment with heavily

Features Not Bugs With Boundaries

SPEAKER_00 18:45

leaning entertainment. Uh I'm a big meaning-making person. And I was like, what does it mean that these have, I don't know, graduated outside of counseling? And I think it's just we like counselors genuinely internalize our work and our values and the things we're doing with clients, and they mean so much to us that it becomes part of us, right? And when if we have a really strong connection or affinity for a certain intervention or like theory that kind of speaks to us and who we are. And so most of these are like features, not bugs.

SPEAKER_02 19:20

Like, yeah, yeah. It's important though. One of the things when I was thinking about this, and it and we didn't mention it as a quirk, so I'll just give it honorable mention. But that I find myself with clients sometimes, if I'm like, I'm not sure that they know this exists, that I might do a quick, hey, let's pause for a moment, or after they've shared what they've shared, they think it it's important for me to let you know so you know this as an advocacy piece of giving that piece of psychoeducation. Where internalizing that can be like really good. And there are some times when some friend or familial or other kind of acquaintance situation might be like, oh my God, so glad that they shared that information with me. And there might be other times where, like, why is Marissa such a know it all? Like, why does she have to put, you know, put her two cents in? And so I think it is one of those things where we have to understand, like, where those things that we internalize can get in the way, even if it's good intentioned, the impact versus in like the intent is still important to pay attention to. But like you said, more often than not, they're not bugs, they're features that that we still have to be intentional about. Maybe the my intent when it's with clients is like it's my duty to advocate, right? In my friendships, maybe my advocacy needs to have a different approach.

SPEAKER_00 20:37

Yeah, like we have to be intentional, right? Even though they're automatic things that we do, it's important that we remember the context. And I think that's like a really good bow to put on this, is like you're a person and a counselor, and like those things

Share Your Quirks And Wrap Up

SPEAKER_00 20:53

are going to interact.

unknown 20:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:55

And if you like we said earlier, if you have a quirk we didn't talk about, drop it. You can text us in the show notes or leave us comments on our socials, DM us. And please, if you are not yet subscribed to Ohio Counseling Conversations, make sure you subscribe, leave a five-star review, and share it with a friend.

SPEAKER_00 21:15

Yeah, yeah. Thanks so much for listening and communing with us, and we hope to see you next time.

SPEAKER_01 21:22

Thanks for joining us for Let's Unpack That, brought to you by Ohio Counseling Conversations and the Ohio Counseling Association. If it sparks something for you, share it with a colleague or drop us a line. We'd love to keep the conversation going. Thanks for listening. And until next time, we encourage you to keep unpacking the big stuff one conversation at a time. Let's Unpack That is a podcast intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The views, opinions, and references shared by hosts or guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of the Iowa Counseling Association. Any appearance by a guest does not imply an endorsement of them, their views, or any organizations they may represent. Content discussed should not be interpreted as official positions, recommendations, or endorsements by OCA or its leadership.